Avengers Antics
by Shadow Wolf Artist
Summary: A collection of Avengers oneshots based around the fact that everyone could use some more team bonding and fluff and angst in their life. I'll try to give everyone a fair share of time in the spotlight, but I can guarantee that Tony angst will literally be everywhere. Also Pepperony and Clintasha. Most recent: Join The PTSD Club (Or Don't).
1. You're Not Alone

**A/N:** **This originally started off as just a oneshot about a birthday party for Tony, but I think I'll extend this as a place for me to post all the oneshots I come up with before I go to bed. So, let this mark the first of many oneshots to come!**

* * *

 **Summary  
** **Today (5/29) is Tony Stark's birthday! To honor the occasion, both FanQueen on Fire and I decided to write little oneshots centered around our favorite Avenger (angst was a requirement, of course). Only I was able to get mine uploaded on time, so here it is!  
All of his terrible experiences with birthday parties (or lack thereof) have led Tony Stark to believe that his birthday is meaningless. Upon waking up on his birthday and finding himself totally alone, those feelings only run deeper and he decides to breaks out the scotch. However, he might find out that there are people that care about him after all. ((Rated T mainly for language))**

 **Warnings  
** _ **Series:**_ **N/A  
** _ **Timeframe:**_ **Pre-CA:TWS, Post-IM3  
** _ **Ships:**_ **Clintasha, Pepperony  
** _ **AUish Aspects:**_ **Deaf!Clint, Tony doesn't have his arc reactor removed  
** _ **Main:**_ **Angst and bromance for days.**

 **Disclaimer  
** **I do not own Marvel, Disney, or the Avengers. If I owned any of those things, I probably wouldn't be sitting here writing this xD.**

* * *

 **-You're Not Alone-**

 _Author:_ Shadow Wolf Artist  
 _Editor:_ FanQueen on Fire

Tony made something that resembled a groan as he opened his bleary eyes to the sunlight that was pouring into his room through his giant, oversized windows. He fumbled around for Pepper, only to remember that the beautiful redhead was halfway across the world on a business trip, and would be for another two weeks. No longer having a reason to smile, the grumpy billionaire shoved his head back into his pillow and made a noise that sounded similar to the snort an angry pig. "J.A.R.V.I.S., why the hell are the blinds open? I wanna sleep."

"Yes, well it's not my fault you stayed up until 12:36 A.M., Sir."

"I don't have any decent comebacks this morning, so can the sass, would you?"

"Only if you get out of bed."

"Okay, fine, continue sassing me. I'm gonna go back to sleep." It was one of those rare times when Tony was so exhausted that his sleep was dreamless (or, in his case, nightmareless), and he would be damned if he didn't take advantage of it.

"Actually, no you aren't. You have a meeting in 49 minutes."

"Why the hell do I have a meeting so early in the morning?" the genius groaned, still not moving from his position on the bed.

"Sir, it's 9:41 A.M. I would hardly call that early."

"Considering my abnormal sleeping schedule, I would. I'm finally getting some decent sleep; what are the consequences of me skipping this _meeting?_ " The tired genius elongated the word 'meeting' in a way that quite obviously displayed his intentions of skipping the damn thing.

"While I do hate to interrupt your peaceful sleep, Sir, I recall you promising both Ms. Potts and Colonel Rhodes that you wouldn't miss any more meetings. I would rather you not face their wrath."

Tony let out another loud, angry groan before finally staggering to his feet and tossing his blankets to the floor. He was going to stumble to the bathroom to take a shower, but before he could, his phone buzzed. He would've completely disregarded it had the call not been from a certain redhead whom he happened to love dearly.

"Hey Pep," he mumbled tiredly into the phone, a small smile playing at his lips.

"Oh good. J.A.R.V.I.S. woke you up. Just calling to make sure you're off to that meeting."

"I'd rather be doing anything else, but yes, sadly, I'm off to go meet with a bunch of money-loving assholes. Is that really the only reason you're calling? Why must you torture me so?"

"Tony Stark kept a promise for once! This moment will go down in history."

"You are the worst."

"If it makes you feel any better, I also called to tell you I love you, and that my trip is going to be over sooner than expected."

"Love you too, Pep. I miss you."

"Miss you too." The call ended then, and Tony tossed his phone onto his bed before turning back to the task at hand.

"Damn meetings," he mumbled under his breath as he got into the shower.

* * *

The absence of life as Tony stumbled into the kitchen to eat breakfast was unnerving.

Steve would usually already have some coffee made for him, along with some eggs and a note saying, "You better eat these or Pepper is going to be livid with me. Apparently, it's now my job to make sure you eat three meals a day, seeing as J.A.R.V.I.S. can only do so much without a body. And, no, I did not just give you permission to make him a body." Clint was also usually perched somewhere, eating breakfast while fiddling with an arrow or planning his next 'aerial assault' (which usually consisted of launching various objects at whatever unlucky Avenger happened to walk under where he rested in the vents). When Thor was in town, he was almost always in the kitchen and living room space (eating poptarts), seeing as that was where most of the gathering happened and the big blond god sure did love to be included. It was rare to see Natasha or Bruce at this point in the morning, because Bruce was usually sciencing the shit out of stuff and Natasha was almost always either training or on a mission for S.H.I.E.L.D. (she liked to keep busy). Despite this, the odds of Tony being completely alone on this floor (or even just in the kitchen, for that matter) at 9:56 in the morning were almost zero.

Shrugging (now was not a good time to be concerned about his loneliness, seeing as he had a meeting in half an hour), he made himself some coffee and grabbed a donut before heading out the metaphorical door (he technically had to take an elevator down to the garage and pick out what car he wanted to drive before he could head out the actual door, and even then it wasn't really that kind of door as much as it was a giant garage door) to his god awful meeting.

 _Something...I'm missing something, aren't I? Today is important for some reason. Some stupid reason that obviously isn't worth remembering._

* * *

Two hours in, and genius billionaire philanthropist Tony Stark was not impressed.

While he had never been one for meetings, the philanthropist certainly enjoyed them more when he was meeting with people that actually cared about developing tech to help the world and weren't just in it for the money.

These people?

They were money people.

To keep from losing his mind, the genius had secretly begun working on a new arrow design for Clint. Something that appeared subtle on the outside, but harbored a ton of garish secrets on the inside. Probably an assortment of colorful explosives; the billionaire really hadn't worked out where he was going with the design quite yet. Subconsciously, he was still listening to the entire meeting (sadly), so when one of the stuck up assholes asked him for his input he was able to give a valid and well thought out response. Because of this, while everyone at the table knew they didn't quite have Tony's full attention, they also couldn't prove he was distracted. This fact agitated them, to say the least, which made the meeting that much more miserable for the philanthropist.

Three hours in, and Tony was seriously considering funding their project just so he could go home.

He had moved on from designing another arrow for Clint to designing a new suit fabric for Steve. Making it bulletproof was proving to be impossible, and it pissed the genius off more than the people he was in a meeting with. The project they were proposing was doomed to failure, and no matter what they said it wasn't an endeavor to 'help those in need.' If it ever got off the ground, the goal was to be as lucrative as possible, so despite the fact that he knew it would probably extended the already overly long meeting, Tony let what morals he had win and he stood his ground.

"...wouldn't you agree, Mr. Stark?" It was a wrinkly old man talking, one that the billionaire had come to assume was the spokesperson for whatever company he was talking to. Tony wouldn't know; he hadn't been paying attention to the introductions.

"No, I wouldn't agree. This idea you're proposing is, to put it bluntly, stupid and outlandish. This project isn't about helping anyone, unless you count yourselves. In short, no, I will not fund your damn project, because I doubt the money will help anyone who actually needs it. Consider this meeting over. I've humored you all long enough." With that, he stood up and turned to leave.

"Mr. Stark, please just sit down so we can talk about this." A blond haired woman was talking now. She was much younger than the apparent spokesman, and much prettier. She was wearing something that Tony considered a little scandalous for a business meeting, and to be honest it made him slightly uncomfortable. Her voice was smooth like velvet, and Tony was 99% sure she was playing to his old playboy tendencies, which was funny because anyone who was anyone knew he cared about one woman and one woman only and that gorgeous woman was Ms. Pepper Potts.

"No. I have things to do that are much more important than sitting here pretending that I actually care about this. Also, I'd recommend wearing something much less showy for your next business meeting. It's just unprofessional, really."

With that, the billionaire marched from the room, already forgetting what he had been talking to them about for three unholy hours.

After all, it had occurred to him about halfway through the meeting that it was his birthday, and he could be doing much better things than sitting in a room with a bunch of idiots.

* * *

The genius stretched, relaxing his hands (which had been cramped for god knows how long as he worked on small bits within his suit) and taking a swig of scotch. He rested against the leg of a nearby workbench, pausing to have J.A.R.V.I.S. read him his to-do list.

"Alright J. What's on my list?" His words had the slightest slur, suggesting he was on the brink of getting drunk.

"Sir, please stop drinking."

"Why? It's my birthday."

"Yes, Sir, I know, but I'd rather not have you deal with the aftermath of your excessive drinking. It only worsens your anxiety-"

"Oh stop being so negative, J. To-do list, please."

"Sir-"

"To-do list, J.A.R.V.I.S.," the billionaire commanded sternly.

"Answering all the angry calls from the people you had a meeting with earlier."

"Block them and give me my damn to-do list."

If A.I.s could sigh, J.A.R.V.I.S. did then and there. "The prototype for Mr. Barton's new arrow."

"Check."

"The fabric for Captain Rogers's new suit."

"Check. I guess. I mean, it's not bullet proof yet. Make note of that."

"Yes, Sir. Natasha's new stingers."

"Incomplete. I can't find her anywhere, and I need her input on a ton of the design process. Apparently she wants them to attach to Cap's shield now. She's so demanding sometimes," the philanthropist said with faux exasperation. He actually rather liked all the demands his team made toward him; they gave him something to do, and kept his mind off of other, more depressing things. The billionaire stood up, stretching his back. "Hell, now that I mention it, I can't find anyone anywhere. Nat, I suppose I get. Steve's probably off learning about the 21st century, Bruce isn't in his lab sciencing the shit out of things so he's probably out and about, Thor is in Asgard, and I have no clue where Clint could be..." The genius trailed off at the end, as it suddenly hit him full force that him that he was completely and utterly was alone. It had just now occurred to him that all of his teammates had lives outside of entertaining him. Their company had started to become something he took for granted, and the fact that they weren't there was hurting him more than he liked to think. He had had his fair share of loneliness, and despite the fact that he acted like an asshole toward everyone, he enjoyed having his teammates around, even if they were just nagging him. He didn't like to think about how they had things to do outside of annoying him.

At the moment, he really didn't like thinking at all.

It was at times like these when he needed more scotch.

"Sir, I would recommend fixing the circuitry in your suit before you forget," the A.I. suggested. "And do _please_ stop drinking. It's concerning."

"I don't forget," Tony responded, ignoring the part about his alcoholism. "And, even when I do, I have you to keep track of this stuff for me."

"Sir, if the Tower was attacked in an hour, there would be a possibility of you blowing up mid-fight because you didn't fix those wires. There would also be a possibility of you being too drunk to do anything anyway." Despite the fact that J.A.R.V.I.S. was driving it home that he needed to stop drinking, Tony continued to ignore everything he said regarding the subject. It was mostly out of pure guilt, because if he stopped taking swigs of scotch now he would feel bad about worrying J.A.R.V.I.S. so much. _It's better to be completely drunk than aware that I'm worrying him- right?_

"Fine. I'll fix it. Then I'm off to find Clint, because I wan' him to test this prototype." _Even though he's probably off living his own life._

His hands grew stiff again as he worked, pausing every now and then to take a swig of scotch. It was how he had always 'celebrated' his birthday; in fact, it was probably a miracle that he wasn't totally drunk already. As a kid, he had never had a birthday party, because despite the fact that Howard was fucking _loaded_ he was always talking about how 'you shouldn't waste money on such trivial things' _(and buying a shitload of scotch and whiskey isn't 'trivial,' Dad?)_. Acknowledging and having even the smallest of a celebration on his birthday at all had been rare, and only then it was when his mother was able to convince Howard to spend a small amount on their child's happiness _(not like it meant anything to him; ol' Dad was all about numbers, and the only thing he cared about was that those numbers were decreasing because of me)_. Due to this, the genius had never really batted an eye when his birthday rolled around. The only real time he had acknowledged it with any kind of celebration was that one time he had thrown a rather bombastic birthday party because he thought he was going to die anyway (and everyone knows that that didn't end well). If it weren't for J.A.R.V.I.S. wishing him a happy birthday every time the date came, the event would've been forgotten by Tony entirely. After all, it was just a painful reminder that time constantly passing, and that there would never be enough of it for him to make right all his wrongs. But, because he had J.A.R.V.I.S., the billionaire remembered to break out the scotch and work until he passed out on May 29th every year. Not exactly a healthy habit, but he saw no reason not to do it. No one cared to stop him.

"Sir, you have a visitor," J.A.R.V.I.S. announced, his voice full of robotic disdain at the fact that Tony was continuing to down scotch. 'Sir's' vision was blurring from both exhaustion and alcohol when the A.I. made the announcement, and he glanced up just in time to see someone punch in the code to get into his lab. Dropping his wrench and making a move to put on his suit, he looked up again and paused when he saw Steve making his way between the various projects toward him. He took note of the billionaire's bedraggled condition and raised an eyebrow. "Whoa, you don't look too great."

"It's been a long day. I had a meeting with a bunch of money-loving bastards. One of them was a slut."

"It also appears you've had a lot of scotch," the super soldier murmured to himself, taking note of both Tony's excessive language and the one and a half empty bottles of alcohol that were sitting on a nearby workbench.

"Hey, have you seen Clint? I've got a new arrow prototype I wanna show him," Tony said with something that resembled drunken excitement. "Oh, I made something for you! It's not totally done yet, and it's really just a concept at this point, but anyway. Here." He held up what looked to be a simple piece of fabric. "It's more durable than the fabric your other suit was made of. It's also waterproof. Not bulletproof yet, but I'm working on it. It also absorbs stabs to the back much nicer, so that's a plus. I really don't like watching people jab knives into your back. For a super soldier, you bleed a lot." In all honesty, Steve was a little taken aback. Tony Stark, the most egotistical man on the planet, hadn't once mentioned it was his birthday today. In fact, he had been working on stuff for _other people_. "O' course, I made myself some stuff too. My suit's more energy efficient now. Well, it will be, once I move this wire over here..." Smoothly, he transitioned back into his work, half hoping that Steve would stay in his lab so that he wouldn't be alone.

"How about you stop drinking and come with me," Steve suggested. It wasn't really a question as much as it was a command.

"M'kay, hold on-" Tony muttered something about blowing up and circuits and tweaked a few things before turning back to the captain. "Okay, whaddya wanna show me that's so damn important it couldn't wait?"

Steve helped the slightly drunk (and incredibly exhausted) genius to his feet before gesturing for him to follow. "I'm showing you something that's much more exciting than just sitting down here and moping all day."

"First of all, that could sound really gay. Second of all, I'm not moping, I'm working."

"Uh huh. Just shut up and follow me." The two men stepped into the elevator and rode up to the main floor.

Yes, the one that had been 110% silent that morning and that Tony had been avoiding like the plague because the silence was like several stabs to his permanently wounded chest.

The billionaire followed Steve out of the elevator, too delirious to notice the various additions to the usual interior decor. He also nearly had a heart attack when everyone who had been absent that morning leaped out from various places around the room, yelling "Happy Birthday!" (including J.A.R.V.I.S.) and throwing confetti everywhere.

It took about a minute for Tony's sluggish mind to fully comprehend what was happening.

 _They were throwing him a birthday party._

"What?" was all he could manage around his shock.

"We're throwing you a surprise birthday party, you doofus," Natasha remarked from the couch. She had a party hat on, and the sight of her wearing something so childish made Tony pray J.A.R.V.I.S. was recording this whole thing (he knew he was; oh, the philanthropist was going to relish in this forever).

"Well, yeah, I suppose I got that. But, why?"

"What do you mean why?" a familiar voice scoffed from behind him. The genius turned around just in time for Pepper to kiss him lightly on the cheek, causing him to smile involuntarily. "God, Steve wasn't I kidding when he said you had something to drink."

"Birthday celebrations aren't my thing," Tony grumbled, smile disappearing.

"Oh come on. That was one time," Rhodey laughed, coming out of nowhere. _He's supposed to be on a military mission, isn't he? And Pepper's supposed to be halfway around the world. Why did they come home for my birthday?_

Not realizing Rhodey was referring to the one time they had fought at Tony's rather bombastic celebration (his forgetfulness of the event was probably due to the fact that he was still hovering on the fine line between drunk and not), the billionaire muttered, "No kidding it was one time. Howard was so goddamn stingy."

That shut everyone up real fast.

It suddenly dawned on everyone that _Tony had never had a real birthday party_.

"Speaking of, why the hell are you all here? You have better things to do than buy me cake-"

"I'll have you know I spent a long ass time _baking_ that cake for you!" Clint interrupted.

"-and set up decorations. You-" he pointed at Rhodey, "are supposed to be on an undercover military operation, you-" he pointed at Pepper, "are supposed to be halfway around the world, you-" he pointed at Natasha, "should probably be on a mission for S.H.I.E.L.D., you-"

"They are here because I believe they are what you would call 'your friends,' Sir," J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupted.

"I still do not understand this 'birthday party' you speak of, but it seems to be a mighty celebration thrown by close comrades, and thus I wish to help throw one for the great Man of Iron!" Thor boomed.

"He's right, Stark. As much as it pains me to say it, you're worth my time," Clint chuckled.

"Mine too," Bruce added, throwing a streamer at Tony. "Science Bros and all that. I think you'll like my gift."

"You can be a real pain in the ass, but even you deserve a birthday party," Natasha said with a small smirk. "How old are you now?"

"Not as old as me," Steve laughed, resting a hand on the philanthropist's shoulder. "For a genius, you're a real idiot, you know that?"

He didn't know who started it (it was probably Pepper, or Rhodey, or maybe even Steve), but Tony found all of his teammates and friends embracing him, a giant group hug that crushed him between a super soldier and a god.

But he was okay with that.

He wasn't alone anymore.

 **-The End-**

* * *

 **A/N:** **I think this is pretty good considering I wrote it all today.**

 **~Shadow Wolf Artist**


	2. Join The PTSD Club (Or Don't)

**Summary  
** **Tony finds himself in an all-too-familiar situation faced with an all-too-familiar nightmare; except, this time, one of his closest friends is going to die with him if he fails. And he won't let himself fail again. ((Rated T mainly for language))**

 **Warnings  
** _ **Series:**_ **N/A  
** _ **Timeframe:**_ **Pre-CA:TWS, Post-IM3  
** _ **Ships:**_ **Clintasha, Pepperony  
** _ **AUish Aspects:**_ **Deaf!Clint, Tony doesn't have his arc reactor removed  
** _ **Main:**_ **Angst and bromance for days.**

 **Disclaimer  
** **I do not own Marvel, Disney, or the Avengers. If I owned any of those things, I probably wouldn't be sitting here writing this xD.**

* * *

 **-Join The PTSD Club (Or Don't)-**

 _Author:_ Shadow Wolf Artist  
 _Editor:_ FanQueen on Fire

Tony had no time to register what Steve was actually doing, but Tony did register that whatever the hell it was _he wasn't going to let him do it._ Slamming his knee into the gut of a guard, he grabbed the rifle the guard had been holding and raced after the super soldier, his bare feet stinging as they repeatedly smacked against the cold stone. He was exhausted and lugging a fucking car battery but there was no way in hell he was gonna let Steve buy him time. The last guy to do that for him was dead, and oh god Tony wasn't going to lose Captain America because despite how much they argued the genius could always count on the super soldier and if he died Tony didn't know what he would do. Clutching the car battery in one hand and the rifle in the other, the genius made an attempt at shooting down some guards who tried to block his path. He failed miserably. _Steve Steve fuck they're gonna kill him WHY DIDN'T HE STICK TO THE GODDAMN PLAN?!_ Tony ripped the wires from the chest, abandoning the car battery, and fired using both hands, his newfound accuracy taking down every single guard in his path. He completely ignored the fact that he had just torn out his fucking lifeline and continued racing after where he believed the super soldier had gone.

He found Steve about to be nailed in the chest by what could only be described as a small rocket launcher.

His arc reactor was on the table.

He had a choice.

It was an easy one.

"STEVE!" the billionaire hollered, slamming into the super soldier and shoving him out of the way, both stunned and concerned by the fact that he was able to move Steve with such ease. Raza let out a low growl, lowering the gun.

"My men are more incompetent than I thought," he hissed. "You're supposed to be dead, Mr. Stark."

"I will be, just give me a few minutes," Tony replied breathlessly, suddenly acutely aware of the pain exploding in his chest. _Fuck._ He fired several shots at Raza, a few hitting his shoulder and the edge of his leg, but most of the bullets completely missed as his vision began to spin. Raza raised the gun again, taking aim.

"This was meant for your friend, but I suppose it'll work on you, too." He fired, and the force of whatever ammo that was slammed into Tony _hard_ and he staggered backward. His vision was swimming and someone starting yelling but Tony had no idea who it was _is that me oh god that's a lot of blood is that my blood holy shit I'm going to die where did my air go I can't breathe fuck this shrapnel is Steve okay?_ Clutching to a nearby table to prevent himself from falling, Tony ignored the black beginning to creep into his blurry vision and tried to focus. Steve, Raza, blue glowy thing. He wanted to leave with two of those things, but he really only needed one of them. The super soldier and the terrorist came into focus, and their voices became more distinguishable. Men were rushing in. Oh god they were gonna die _oh god Steve is gonna die oh god_ I'm _gonna die please no I don't want to die like this NOT LIKE THIS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE._ His entire body burned with agony, and the pain in his chest and what was left of his left shoulder was burning with an intensity that would rival the sun.

"...you want, Captain, but I'm going to kill you both. Men, kill our intelligent guest, would you?"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM!" Steve. That was Steve. Focus on that. The super soldier slammed many of the men back who were trying to kill him and Tony, grabbing a rifle and whirling around. He nailed Raza in the stomach with two bullets before lunging forward and shoving his foot into the wounds, causing a string of explicits to burst from the terrorist's mouth as he staggered back.

"KILL HIM, DAMMIT! KILL THEM BOTH! I HAVE WHAT I WANT!" Raza shrieked, grabbing the arc reactor off the table and staggering toward the exit. Steve threw back another wave of men fueled by nothing but sheer anger before lunging for Raza, slamming the butt of his now empty gun into the man's chest. Tony took this as a cue and pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the fact that he had no idea how he had gotten on the floor. His entire body was numb; he was in the brief period between life and death, and he was gonna make it count.

"STEVE, STEVE RUN!" Tony hollered. He grabbed Raza's small rocket launcher (how the hell did that get on the floor?) and began firing. He fired at explosives, at men, at everything but the stunned super soldier.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! THE PLACE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!" the captain hollered, refusing to leave.

"RUN, DAMMIT! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD _RUN!_ "

* * *

Tony woke up silently screaming.

Fear choked the billionaire as he silently begged for someone to help him, to stop the waterboarding, to keep the arc reactor in his chest because _oh my god Obidiah you're supposed to be dead wait is that Raza?_ His head was pounding, his mouth and throat were dry, and he felt like he had just run sixteen consecutive marathons and holy _shit_ why did his shoulder hurt so much? Still caught in his panic, the half-conscious billionaire began to thrash violently, terrified by the sand flying up around him, and a real scream escaped his throat.

"HELP!"

"TONY!" Steve started, snapping to attention. The genius was shuddering violently, his face pale and his eyes wide in terror. "Hey! Hey! You're okay!" He reached to restrain the billionaire, but Tony lashed out.

"YOU CAN'T HAVE IT, OBIE! _YOU CAN'T FUCKING HAVE IT!_ " Tony yelled hoarsely, lunging at Steve and grasping his hands around the super soldier's throat. Steve had no time to react, and holy crap since when did Tony possess this much strength? Gently, he tried to pry the philanthropist off, but he kept yelling and screaming at him like he was some guy named Obidiah and the captain was finding it hard to breathe and what the hell was the 'it' Tony kept mentioning and-

"Tony! Tony, it's me! Steve! Not Obidiah! I don't want it! Tony, you've gotta listen to me-" Steve managed to choke out. He didn't have the heart to shove Tony off of him; he knew it would make whatever twisted reality the billionaire was caught in worse. The tight vice around the super soldier's neck loosened, and Tony collapsed back into the sand, crying out as his shoulder roughly scraped against the ground.

"NO no no no no," the genius whimpered.

"Hey, hey it's okay. I promise. We're safe. No Obidiah. No Raza. No terrorists," the super soldier said gently, moving to comfort the trembling philanthropist. Tony seemed to calm, but then his hand flew to his chest, gasping as it clenched around the arc reactor. "Yeah, I got that covered too," Steve said smoothly. "It was a lot harder than I would've thought, especially since the instructions you tried to give me from your semi-consciousness were terrible, but I guess I did it right and in time."

"Th-thanks Spangles," he said weakly as Steve gently put him in a sitting position against the rough stone of the rocky outcropping they had taken shelter under. "Ow, shit!" Tony exclaimed as his wounded shoulder was moved the wrong way (though, really moving his shoulder in any way was 'the wrong way' at this point). Steve gingerly let Tony go, then held up a bloody object the size of a small egg.

"This was in your shoulder," he said bluntly. "You're an idiot, you know that?"

" _I'm_ an idiot? You shoulda just stuck to the damn plan," Tony growled in response.

"I did stick to the damn plan."

"What you did wasn't the plan at all! You could've been killed!"

"And you couldn't have?" Steve replied, his jaw clenching in anger. "The original plan-"

"Steve, my main priority was getting you out of there-"

"That's freaking stupid, Stark-"

"It was my fault we were there in the first place-"

"Tony I _knew_ what I was doing-"

"I COULDN'T LET YOU DIE LIKE YINSEN!" Tony hollered, chest heaving. "HE DID EXACTLY WHAT YOU TRIED TO DO AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HE'S DEAD, ROGERS! FUCKING DEAD! I WASN'T GONNA LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN!" Suddenly, everything in Steve's head clicked. How Tony knew Raza. Why he had already known what to do when the terrorists came in. Why he panicked when he woke up in a cave. Why he hated caves in general. Why he never slept.

 _He had been captured before._

Steve broke the silence softly, his voice cautious. "That wasn't your first time there, was it?"

Tony was silent for a few moments. "No, no it wasn't," he sighed, tilting his head back. "Suppose I should tell you now, huh? Shoulda told you a long time ago," he continued after a few more moments of silence. "Before, I was an asshat. Like, I still am, but I made weapons and didn't really care who was killed as long as they weren't Americans and it got me money. That kind of asshat. Anyway, I was in Afghanistan demonstrating my latest creation: the Jericho missile. Everything was fine and dandy, and there was this kid, nice kid, and he asked for a picture, but suddenly the Humvee was blown up. The kid died. I tried to run, but I found myself beside an explosive with _my name on it_. It should've killed me, but it didn't. Thanks to Yinsen, I got an electromagnet in my chest powered by a car battery that helped keep the shrapnel from entering my heart. These terrorists, the Ten Rings, same ones that got us into this current mess, demanded I build a Jericho. I refused, for obvious reasons, so they tried other means of... _persuasion._ So, after all that, I agreed-"

"Tony, what the hell did they-"

"Shut up, I'm talking. As I was saying, I agreed. Before you start yelling at me, I knew that after I built it they were gonna kill me, no matter what they said. I also knew that my life didn't matter at that moment. Another thing, I'm not going to build a bunch of terrorists a weapon that could cause mass murder among innocent civilians. I'm not stupid. So, Yinsen and I set to building an arc reactor, so I wouldn't, ya know, _die_. Very bulky. I think I still have it somewhere; damn Pepper's sentimentality." Tony paused, clearing his dry throat and giving a small chuckle. "After that, we set to building a 'Jericho,' and by 'Jericho' I mean the first ever Iron Man suit. Damn, that thing was even worse than the arc reactor. Bulky, limited movement, _heavy_ , but it ensured our survival. Well, it was supposed to. If Yinsen had just stuck to the _fucking plan_..." Tony trailed off, shaking his head. "I'm getting ahead of myself. The terrorists and Raza came in, demanded to know what we were building, we said a Jericho, he called us liars, they nearly put a hot coal in Yinsen's mouth, I told them I needed him because he's a good assistant, Raza told me fine but we needed to have the Jericho done by tomorrow. That wasn't gonna happen. So, we tried to hurry the process of building the suit." The genius paused, and Steve wondered if that was it, but then he saw that Tony was blinking his eyes furiously. "We were so close. _So fucking close._ We were so close to having the program downloaded, to finally getting out of there. They were coming down the hall; we could hear them. I told Yinsen we could make it but the damn program refused to download at anything faster than the pace of a goddamn tortoise and Yinsen and I both knew we wouldn't have enough time but the idiot- oh my god the _fucking idiot_...he ran out to buy me time. The suit finished downloading, and I burst out there, guns ablaze...Yinsen, he, he died in my arms. I watched the life fade from his eyes and I could do nothing but watch and try to tell him not to leave. He told me not to waste my life. I...I blew the place up. Let the terrorists die in the flames. I got the hell out of there, crashed in the desert, and then Rhodey found me." Tony stopped talking, the look on his face implying he was thinking deeply about something. "That's...god, that's probably not even the worst part. Obidiah Stane, my closest confidant, was selling the terrorists my weapons. Did I forget to mention that? The stuff I blew up was _my_ stuff. They had piles upon piles of _my_ weapons. Obidiah had not only been selling the Ten Rings my weaponry, which was meant for the U.S. military only, he had hired them to _kill_ me. Lucky for me, or maybe not so lucky, they didn't. Obie saw the arc reactor as soon as I got back and he wanted to use it for weapons or whatever. I said no. After I improved upon it- made it sleeker, more efficient, quieter, that kinda thing- he took it from my fucking chest. I only survived because of Pepper's damn sentimentality...she had the old arc reactor encased and she put it on my desk with the words 'proof Tony Stark has a heart.' Broke the thing out and put in back in my chest, survived long enough to make another more efficient arc reactor and a couple of suit upgrades, and then kil- uh, whooped Obie's ass. Steve, had you been anything but a super soldier, I would've strangled and killed you just now." Steve was shocked; Tony was a completely different man than he had led everyone to believe.

"You...you said they persuaded you. Is it safe to assume that you didn't just have a deep conversation about it?" Steve asked quietly and cautiously.

"Waterboarding," Tony replied simply, refusing to catch the soldier's gaze.

"Holy shit," Steve said softly. He himself had never been waterboarded, but it was not uncommon for S.H.I.E.L.D. to use that on interrogation subjects who refused to cooperate; the fact that his _friend_ had to go through that simply for the enjoyment of a bunch of assholes...it made Steve sick. A long silence ensued before the super soldier broke the silence again. "Trains."

"What?" Tony asked, so startled and confused that he almost laughed.

"I'm deathly afraid of trains," the captain clarified. "My friend...he...it was a mission like any other, but then..." Steve didn't know why he couldn't bring himself to say it. Tony had just spilled his guts to him and the super soldier could barely choke out his friend's name.

"Bucky," the genius finished, finally catching Steve's gaze. His brown eyes were rich with understanding. "He died a hero, Steve. Both Bucky and Yinsen."

"How...how'd you know about Bucky?"

"Howard told me. He said you were crushed; there's a reason I avoid taking you places on a train," the billionaire replied. Steve's respect for the man grew even more; it was like he was uncovering an entirely new side to everyone's favorite asshole. Now that he thought about it, he could recall numerous times where a train would've been the quicker option but Tony had refused.

 _"Come on!" Clint complained. "Do we really have to drive? We could cut our time in half if we took the train! This is ludicrous, Tony."_

 _"Valuable bonding time," the billionaire responded. "Now, quite your whining and load that into the back, would you?_

Steve was torn from his thoughts as the billionaire continued talking. "Not a fan of falling either, I take it? Or water?"

Steve chuckled. "Or, however cliché as it is, fireworks."

Tony allowed his cracked lips to spread into a painful smile. "That's three things we can agree on."

Steve mentally checked off the fears in his head: _New York, waterboarding, but why fireworks?_ "If I may ask, why are you afraid of fireworks?"

"Well, when your own bomb blows up in your face it tends to make a loud noise and sparks fly everywhere," the billionaire replied rather bitterly. "There were also all the bombs exploding _around_ me. Gotta suck, though, not being able to enjoy your own birthday," he added. Steve was confused for a moment, then he realized the genius was talking about _him_. July 4th, his birthday, was the day everybody and their brother liked to shoot off fireworks. To be honest, the date did make him rather tense.

"Yeah, suppose so," the super soldier sighed. Silence settled like a thick cloud again, but this time it was Tony who broke the silence.

"Steve, if we want to get out of here, we have to move," he said rather abruptly. "Hiding under a rocky outcropping not only prevents the people looking for us from finding us, it also means we're getting no closer to civilization."

"Tony, you've lost a lot of blood-" Steve started, but he was cut off.

"Don't fight me on this, Steve," Tony hissed. Realizing that the genius was rather touchy at the moment, the super soldier gave in without his usual fight.

"Okay, fine, but at least let me carry you," Steve replied.

"And let you drain what strength you have left? Steve, I possess probably half the strength I normally do and yet I was able to shove you out of the way back in the cave, and I'm just going to ignore the fact that you nearly staggered and fell to the floor. I'm going to walk and you are gonna stop being so selfless." Steve knew there was no arguing with Tony, so he merely sighed and nodded. The duo helped each other to their feet, then staggered out into the blazing sunlight.

* * *

The two Avengers had lost track of time. Was it their third day or their fifth day? Steve was on the verge of collapse, that much Tony knew. The lack of food and water was killing the soldier who needed so much of it to survive. Neither man could talk their throats were so dry, so they communicated through their limited knowledge of sign language. Well, _Steve's_ limited knowledge; upon learning Clint was somewhat deaf, Tony had not only made the archer special hearing aides but he had also become fluent in sign language if the need should arise.

Steve staggered and fell, collapsing into the hot sand with a raspy groan. Tony stumbled and fell down next to him. "I don't want to die," the billionaire choked out, his raspy voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry," Steve responded, his voice just as pained.

Tony tried to push himself up, but he collapsed back in the hot sand. The two then proceeded to lay there, as neither man had the strength to get up, but their bodies refused to shut down. The sun scorched their already burned skin, and _fuck my shoulder hurts_ was one of the view thoughts stuck in a loop in Tony's head. Steve was dimly aware that Tony was in so much pain he could hardly breathe; the rest of his mind was focused on breathing. Both Avengers were so sick and tired that they wished they could just die and the torture would end. But both refused to die. Steve was the first one to start slipping from the grasps of consciousness, and Tony thought he heard the super soldier humming. The dull thrum got louder and louder and got progressively choppy until Tony's sluggish mind made the connection.

"Cap, Cap there's a helicopter!" he cried out, shaking the captain. Steve's eyes forced their way open, and his ears opened up to the sounds around him. Tony tried to stand up to get the plane's attention, but a yelp of pain pushed him back into the sand. Steve found the strength to stand and started yelling, waving his arms in a desperate attempt to catch the attention of the aircraft.

It worked.

Rhodey flung himself from the helicopter and ran toward Tony, practically crushing the emaciated man as he wrapped the genius into a tight hug. "You said you wouldn't do that again," the colonel reprimanded.

"Sorry," Tony managed, his cracked and bloody lips spreading into a small smile as he collapsed against his best friend.

"Tony! Steve!" Clint.

"Fuck you both, I thought you were dead!" Natasha.

 _Everyone was okay._

* * *

Tony woke up in a shit ton of pain and panic.

He wanted to thrash and throw his arms and scream because _fuck Obidiah is back and holy shit Raza leave Steve alone_ but he found could do none of that, because every time he tried to move he found that he was stopped by a warm, soft something. "Wha?" the something said tiredly. It raised its head full of messy blond hair and turned its blazing blue eyes to Tony. "Tryin' to sleep here," it mumbled with a small smile on its face.

Steve.

"Back in the Tower. No Obie. No terrorists- unless, of course, you count Clint," the super soldier said deliriously.

"Why are you sleeping on me?" Tony managed in response, his eyes already starting to slip closed again.

"Just in case you woke up panicked," the captain replied, falling back asleep.

Tony followed suit.

* * *

"Hurry up, would you?" Tony exclaimed as he dragged Steve down the hall. The billionaire was giddy with excitement, and it made the super soldier want to laugh. He was acting like a small child trying to show his mother something of great importance, and the captain couldn't help but think this was the happiest he had ever seen Tony.

Steve's birthday had been fantastic so far. Despite his protests, everyone had gotten him gifts (except for Tony, unless you counted the 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY DICKBUTT' he had painted on the captain's shield in (washable, thank goodness) pink paint), and Clint had baked a cake. It was a really good cake, too, with some kind of cream cheese frosting (and no strawberries, per Tony's request on behalf of Pepper) and chocolate and icecream. All in all, the super soldier found himself enjoying the holiday more than ever. The super soldier found himself enjoying _himself_ more than ever.

However, Steve had started to grow anxious as the day began to come to a close. People would start shooting off fireworks soon, and God he wasn't looking forward to that.

Tony tore Steve from his thoughts as he abruptly stopped in front of a clean, white door. "Ta daaaaa!" the billionaire proclaimed.

"Tony, this is an office you've been working on for Pepper. Why-"

"Just open the door, Capsicle," the genius interrupted impatiently. Steve did as he was told, and his eyes went wide as he took in the scene before him.

Professional grade art supplies were quite literally at every turn, and there were easels strewn about everywhere in an organized chaos. Sketchbooks and canvases were piled up in various places, mostly on tables but some on the floor. There was plenty of lush furnishing to sit in, and Steve was in shock by the humongous window that took up the expanse of the wall. Outside, the sun was setting, spreading its gorgeous days across the water and the city of New York below. Steve had no idea what to say, so he just stood there, his jaw hanging open like an idiot.

"Happy birthday!" Tony called from behind him, walking up and clapping the birthday boy on the shoulder. The super soldier's eyes were drawn to a bench in front of the window (well, really everything was in front of the window), upon which rested two sets of what appeared to be headphones, one with an image of Cap's shield on the right earphone, and the other with a picture of the Iron Man helmet on the right earphone. Steve walked over to them, picking up the one with an image of the his shield on the side and looking at Tony questioningly. "They're noise-cancelling headphones; they'll block out the sound of the fireworks," the genius answered. "Of course, they're still connected to everyone's com-"

"Holy _crap._ Tony, this is incredible," the super soldier finally said, a huge grin spreading across his face. He pulled the genius into a hug, careful to avoid his steal-healing shoulder. Tony didn't protest.

"Yeah yeah I'm the best," he said with a smirk. Steve let go and rolled his eyes, tossing the billionaire the headphones with the image of the suit helmet on it. The two men sat down on the bench and watched in silence as the fireworks started, shoving their PTSD away for another time.

 **-The End-**

* * *

 **A/N:** **Lord, I only uploaded this because FanQueen told me to. I'm not proud of about half of it but she gave it her stamp of approval so *shrugs*  
 _I don't ship Stony I swear I just like writing angst with the two of them okay.  
The real OTP is Pepperony.  
The events of Civil War are inconsequential. _**

**~Shadow Wolf Artist**


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